Fruit Report: White Pineapple

Imagine, if you dare, a pineapple that’s the most delicious, most succulent, most perfect pineapple in God’s green Earth. Now, imagine that this same pineapple doesn’t cut your mouth all up into fucking shreds.

You could only imagine such a treat, right: it could never exist in so-called real-live space-time? You’d think so…but you’d be wrong, beeyatch! For such a treat does exist; in Hawaii.

It was the first food that I et after arriving at the farm; and, heavenly as it was, I can report, having et many dozens more over the next weeks (I arrived at the peak of the season), it’s as real live as the day is long.

You shan’t find them on the mainland, however. (Nor, sadly, in the islands in the Winter. As I write this, it’s been a few weeks since I last partook — and many more weeks still since I last experienced the true magnificence of height-of-season white pineapple. But there’ll be next year…)

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