Well, that’s a relief. Obama/Kerry have done their due diligence, the facts are in, and we can now go have a fuckin’ war, bay-bee! How bitchin’ is that?
The United States Government assesses with high confidence that the Syrian government carried out a chemical weapons attack in the Damascus suburbs on August 21, 2013. We further assess that the regime used a nerve agent in the attack. These all-source assessments are based on human, signals, and geospatial intelligence as well as a significant body of open source reporting. […]
To conclude, there is a substantial body of information that implicates the Syrian government’s responsibility in the chemical weapons attack that took place on August 21. As indicated, there is additional intelligence that remains classified because of sources and methods concerns that is being provided to Congress and international partners.
“Well now,” you may be wondering to yourself. “Hold the goddam phone just a second here. If that’s so, then why the need for Kerry and Obama to lace up the soft shoes and trot out the old song-and-dance routine?”
Obama made calls to members of the House of Representatives and Senate, with more scheduled for Monday, while dozens of legislators met in the Capitol building for a Sunday afternoon intelligence briefing on Syria with Obama’s national security team.
Secretary of State John Kerry, who has been the public face of the administration laying out evidence to bolster the claim that the Syrian government used chemical weapons to kill more than 1,400 of its own people in a gas attack on Aug. 21, made the rounds on the Sunday talk shows to further the case.
Although the words from Mr. McCain and Mr. Graham [in support of military action] were a positive development for Mr. Obama and a critical part of the administration’s lobbying blitz on Syria on Monday, the White House still faces a tough fight in Congress.
“Why not just show our evidence,” you’re thinking, “to the Congress and to our International Partners? They’ll see how thorough we’ve been, how competent, how trustworthy. We could all have a big group-hug, and then go get another war on.”
Problem is, they’re all a bunch of jag-offs, don’t know their ass from a piece of string on the ground, and don’t trust us when we tell them…
Holes in the case already have allowed Russia to dismiss the U.S. evidence as “inconclusive,” with Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov saying in a speech Monday that Moscow was shown “some sketches, but there was nothing concrete, no geographical coordinates, or details…and no proof the test was done by professionals,” according to the state-backed RT news agency.
“When we ask for further clarification, we receive the following response: ‘You are aware that this is classified information, therefore we cannot show it to you,’” Lavrov said. “So there are still no facts.”
If the fuckin’ Russkies think they deserve to see our Classified Intelligence — gathered from “a large body of independent sources”, “one hundred videos attributed to the attack”, and “thousands of social media reports” — they’ve got another think comin’. [Ed. Note: Yep, those are actual quotes taken from the “official U.S. Government assessment” cited up-top.] We scoured the social media sites, we assessed the findings, we classified the evidence. Ergo, we get to have a war. Q.E.D..
Kidding aside for a second, if it makes you fucking sick to your stomach that your President and his Cabinet have such a pitifully weak case for, and yet are so eager to begin, dropping bombs on people — on the basis of a fucking three-page report chock-full of lies, distortions, fabricated intel, and gibberish — that they have to spend their days lobbying members of Congress to obtain approval (and oh-by-the-way, don’t, in the final analysis, give a fuck what Congress decides anyhow); well, you’re not alone.
Kerry said the administration was confident of winning a motion of the kind that David Cameron unexpectedly lost last week. “We don’t contemplate that the Congress is going to vote no,” Kerry said, but he stressed the President had the right to take action “no matter what Congress does”.