In The Quad

Posted on August 19, 2011 by Eddie

Jamaican Dude [noticing my thoroughly devoured Watermelon]: What’s up, mon?

Me: Oh, not much, not much.

Jamaican Dude: Workin’ up the fruit, ya?

Me: You’d better believe it!

Jamaican Dude: Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

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Fucking Awesome Salad I Just Et

Posted on August 17, 2011 by Eddie
Fucking Awesome Salad
Fucking Awesome

List of ingredients follows.

  • Purple Okra
  • Green Okra
  • Purple Bell Pepper
  • Yellow Bell Pepper
  • Pickling Cukes
  • Lemon Cuke
  • Tomatillos
  • Tomatoes
  • Corn

If you’re looking for a winner for Labor-Day Potluck, you have come to the right place. Word of warning: if you do prepare a Fucking Awesome Salad for Labor-Day Potluck, make sure don’t fuck it over by adding salt, nor pepper, nor spices, nor any other crap like that! Unadorned Fucking Awesome Salad is where it’s at, baby.

I mean, I guess it’s okay to adorn if you wanna call it “Fucking Bullshit Salad”; otherwise, do be leaving it nekkid.

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You Will

Posted on August 4, 2011 by Eddie

You will download the new Jesse Sykes rekkid.

You will advance the volume level to the maximum permissible for your current jurisdiction.

You will pick your jaw up off o’ the motherfucking ground. The motherfucking ground, I tell you!

Hint: If the blood is not running from your eardrums, it means you failed to advance the volume level high enough (perhaps you need to seek a new jurisdiction).

Also, you ought, if you’re in or near Seattle, attend the Art Museum’s Beauty And Bounty exhibition before its September 11th closing. It’s pretty amazing — especially the damned three-dimensional photos from the nineteenth century.

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Farmers’ Market Follies

Posted on July 31, 2011 by Eddie

Old Lady with European Accent [noticing my bare feet]: What if there is broken glass?

Me: I avoid it.

Old Lady with European Accent: But you have to be aware of it.

Me: I have eyes.

Old Lady with European Accent: You’ll wind up in the hospital.

Me: Will you come visit?

But Old Lady with European Accent had already turned her back on me. I may as well never have existed.

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Watermelon Update Y’all!

Posted on July 30, 2011 by Eddie

And to-day, this happened.

Had purchased two watermelons: one for the backpack, and one for the workout. Performing Watermelon Workout while walking down the Ave., a girl (wearing a coat on an eighty-degrees-out day — green coat, too; she wasn’t even rocking the goth-wear) asked, “Is that your weights?”

After I responded in the affirmative, she noted, “Tasty weights!” Couldn’t even disagree.

So, went to the quad, et the watermelon, goofed around for a while, and cetera; then began hoofing it back up the Ave., just doing a kinda half-assed workout with the second watermelon. Well, I’ll be god damned if the same girl wearing the same green coat on the same eighty-degrees-out day happened to be standing on a different corner, noticed me, and questioned, “Is that the same watermelon?”

No, it wasn’t.

“Uh…” After a several-seconds Pause Of Consternation, she blurted, “What’s going on with the watermelons??”

Me: “It’s the newest rage!”

I’m telling you people: catch this wave or get pulled under. ’cause the Watermelon Workout is going to fuck this country up.

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