The Durian Apocalypse

[Written Sunday, March The 10th, Night]

If my reckoning is true, I’ve since late-January spent twenty-six days at the Mekong River – nine on the Thai side, seventeen on the Lao. (Plus seven more on major tributaries). A river not only of great beauty, but also of great charisma. The communities peopling its banks, on either side, have mirrored its charms.

But I’ve left its sphere, at least for now.

First, though, Friday night. Stopped by Ye Olde Festival, to find that they were still doing the god damn re-enactments! Don’t know if it’s the same plotline each night, or rather some kind of serialisation. Anyways, there were fireworks again this night – meaning each night, Monday through Friday, save Thursday. Why didn’t Thursday rate? Better ask The Buddha, ‘cause I do not know.

Back over to the Takraw court, where it was yet more endless warming up. The entry music – as the teams come onto the court to begin the endless warmings up — is pretty cool: starts out reminiscent of a primitive video-game soundtrack, then suddenly switches to, like, a Jon Lord jam-session for about thirty seconds’ time, then back to the video game. Goofy.

Spent a final night out at the River – just perfectly wonderful, it is out there. Alas, the forecast storm didn’t materialise, so my stay in Nong Khai didn’t end with the same bang with which it’d begun. Oh, well.

But, wait: my plan was to arise at about 5:45 in the AM, hoof it to the bus stop, and grab the 7:00 bus towards Khorat. Only to be awoken at about 4:15 in the AM by the sound of raindrops falling on my roof. Decided to get up at 7:00 instead, and grab the 8:40 bus – reasoning that the storm would have passed by then.

But then woke at about 6:00, figured, “Ah, Hell with it,” headed outside and hailed a Tuk-Tuk. Not very many out this early in the morning; and it was a stroke of luck this one was, as by the time we’d reached the station it was pouring down raining like no tomorrow. Purchased my ticket by 6:15 in the AM, and in attempting to confirm the 7:00 departure, learnt that the 7:00 bus had – not sure which – either already departed or been canceled.

So, it was the 8:40 bus, which ended up leaving at about 9:00. I think maybe they were waiting for the rain to let up, which it had done by then. The interim was pretty entertaining, I’ll allow: not much thunder-lightning, but it was just coming down in buckets.

So we were off; and this was one interminable journey. Stopping at every little podunk dot on the map. Which is fine – but stopping there foreverlong wasn’t so hot. Every time, we had to wait for the ladies selling their chicken skewers to climb aboard and hound us all into submission.

Then we had to wait for…god knows what. Just sitting waiting. Well, at  least at one of these stops, the best restroom sign ever known.

I was to exit at Talad Kae, about an hour outside of Khorat at the junction to Phimai. Finally, at about 3:15 in the PM, we did arrive. It was myself and two others getting off there; the conductor pointed out across the road that the bus to Phimai was just arriving. The driver honked to alert the other bus of our coming, and…the fuckers just peeled rubber out of there! Just left us standing there with our thumbs up our asses.

So, more waiting, for the next bus. Which did arrive, and we got on for the final ten minutes’ drive to Phimai. The teevee was showing (I think) Captain America dubbed into Thai.

Finally in Phimai, scooted to the Guest House, checked in, and scooted back out to the Night Market to hunt up some eats before the sky opened up again – as it was with each passing moment appearing more likely to do.

The Night Market here in Phimai is really great: just like most towns’ and cities’ Morning markets, selling all fresh fruit and veggies and meats (and also plenty of cooked food) – no frickin’ trinkets and t-shirts, like most Night Markets do.

Grub procured, I put it back on the heel-and-toe, returning to the Guest House with about, it so happened, fifteen minutes in advance of showtime. Which, the guest house has a wicked open-air second-floor courtyard with plenty of comfy patio furniture, and tables and shit.

Best seat in the house, I’ll wager; and the storm was a doozy. Not as windy as had been the previous Saturday’s, welcoming me to Nong Khai. But harder raining, I think, and even more lightning (although the thunder was not as loud – partially because it was drowned out by the sound of the rain!). Even saw a bolt, finally. This was some kinda dinnertime theatre!

As I was near to finishing off my third small watermelon, a roly-poly Englishman walked up and, after confirming that I’d really polished off all the emptied-out halves sitting next to me, warned that I’d be “shitting all night long”.

“Nah,” I countered. “Takes twenty-four hours to work its way through. Tomorrow night I’ll be shitting all night long.”

After a few seconds’ working out the logistics in his head, he nodded, “Ah…okay,” then began laughing to beat the band.

He’s both a British and a Canadian passport, on account of his father was from Saskatchewan. He’s never been to Canada, though he did live in L.A. for twelve years; including which, he was about a mile from the epicenter of the Northridge earthquake.

He’s all into Planet X, and stuff.

This morning, Sunday, it was off to the Phimai Historical Park, site of the largest Khmer ruins in Thailand; and they actually pre-date Angkor Wat.

Pretty crazy being able to walk around inside of a thousand-year-old city. The birds seem to quite love it there.

After the ruins, it was on to Sai Ngam Park, about a mile east of the city. It’s a grove of Banyan trees so close together that they’ve become all intermeshed, making it like a scene out of the Brothers Grimm (or what).

.

It has become kind of commercialised, however; lots of vendor stalls and so forth. There’s even a shrine inside, all decorated up.

Some people there praising Lord Buddha were looking at me like as if I was a freak for being barefoot in the woods; but I’m thinking, “Where else but the woods?! You’re the ones what put up a shrine in a place that was already too holy for words!” Not to mention desecrating the trees themselves.

But, whatever.

Apparently, it’s actually all one tree. Nuts!

On the way to Sai Ngam, I’d seen this guy motoring down the road; for some reason it totally reminded me of the Beverly Hillbillies’ truck. And I kept seeing him, throughout the day, in different parts of the city. It was weird!

On the way back into town, passed again by these ladies who’d helped me out giving me directions to the tree. They were all smiles as I returned. Away from the river, but yet still remarkably friendly people in this town.

Passed by the layout for this small winding soi near the town center. They’re loving their pork!

After some lunch, walked it over to the National Museum. I had chosen wisely in saving this one ‘til afternoon, as it was blazing hot by now, and as such good to get inside.

Frickin’ another National Museum what won’t allow photography. I even saw a coupla Thais get busted trying to do. They were pretty shocked, but took it in good stride. The Museum is stupendously impressive, housing an enormous number of bronze, limestone, and sandstone statues, figures, lintels, and cetera dating to the tenth century. The sandstone pieces in particular I found to be exceedingly beautiful.

There’s a second, outdoor exhibition. Didn’t appear to be a prohibition against photography here; so you’re in luck (excepting that the pieces housed indoors were much, much nicer than those house out of).

After checking out this second exhibit, I was sitting on a bench enjoying the shade for a while. The museum security guard, name of “Noigh” (not sure about the spelling) rode up on his bicycle and chatted a while. He implored me to tell everybody I knew to come to Thailand and experience the magical place. So there it is: you’ve got your marching orders.

Not many temples in town; but they’re quite nice. One with skinny Naga…

..and a righteous shrine (note the preponderance of poultry).

One with a gigantic White Buddha under construction.

One with a shockingly beautiful main hall.

And they’ve all got these Furnace Houses, with the big smokestack rising up. Have never seen this anywhere else. Huhn, they must get pretty hellacious winters here…

And that’s it! My whirlwind tour of Phimai. Tomorrow, Buddha willing and the creek don’t rise (although I guess that would mean more bitchin’ thunderstorm action…), should have arrived to Bangkok in time for some Lumphini aerobics!

Tuesday Night Update: Back in Bangkok ’til Friday, on which day, the notorious journey from Bangkok to Siem Reap. Staying at a brand new hostel just three minutes’ walking time from Khlong Toei Market!

Alas, the wild cast of characters staying here (not least which the proprietor) has been so entertaining, it’s left no time, for now, to write about the days’ events…

[Written Friday, March The 9th, Afternoon]

Nong Khai, yet another wonderful little town in which I’ve spent far more time that I’d ever intended. Tomorrow, will be moving on to Phimai, before (I’m thinking) a quick jaunt to Bangkok to check on the Durian situation and pay homage to Lumphini Park, before scooting off, finally, to Angkor Wat.

Yesterday, paid visit to the main city park, about an hour’s walk from the Guest House. On the way there, passed these guys unloading this gazebo…

…from the back of this pickup truck.

They came pretty close to dropping it – but were at last able to prevail.

Located right next to the park, yet another extraordinarily beautiful and  surprisingly well-maintained temple.

Unique Naga feature du jour: neck raised up, rather than resting on the railing.

I’m telling you: every single temple’s got something different about its Naga. Pretty fantastic. Inside, the mural scene was of quite excellent quality.

“But-but-but,” I hear you wondering, “what about, wasn’t there any kind of a giant golden chicken anywhere?” Friends, would you believe two giant golden chickens, guarding the front gate?

Holy god damn moly, this was one of the best temples yet!

The park was pretty nice, though almost entirely deserted. Was by this time getting quite hot, too. We topped the mercury off at 104°. That’s frickin’ goblin weather, right there. (Er, goblins like it hot and humid, right? Or…do they live in caves?)

At nights, when it cools down, I go in for juggling right there overlooking the Mekong. Around the same time, these kids show up and haul this barrier thing out from under the stairs leading down to the river to use for to doing skateboard tricks with. Gotta say, it’s pretty mesmerising watching them take their turns.

To-day, Friday, was perhaps my laziest day yet! After a morning trip to the market, I just hung about along the River Walk all the day. Reading, juggling, eating fruit, watching the clouds roll in, reveling in the breeze. Thunderstorms are in the forecast for tonight – me anxiously awaiting.

I’m about one hundred pages in to Christ Recrucified, and it’s very, very good. Even though The Last Temptation is one of my fave movies, I’d never bothered to read the book; so wasn’t aware that, apart from being a great storyteller, Kazantzakis was a wonderful wordsmith. Such lovely prose, and effortlessly sliding betwixt comedy, drama, suspense.

Kind of fascinated, too, with the translation from Greek. The translator uses words in contexts in which I’ve never before seen them used in English – and yet they seem to be precisely the correct choice. I should wonder, is it truly possible to be so fluent in two languages as to be able to use them both as if they were both one’s native language? Apparently it is possible. Huhn, are there people who look for books based not upon by whom they’d been authored, but by whom they’d been translated? That would mayhap be kind of a fun avocation.

I’ve noticed that there seem to be a greater variety of lizards and of birds here in Nong Khai than in anywhere else I’ve yet visited. Luang Prabang is still tops for the butterfly varieties – though I did see a winged here which I thought could have been either a very large butterfly, a very small bat, or possibly even a hummingbird. Wish I’d gotten a photo of that mofo; instead, we’ll have to settle fora photo of this mofo.

[Written Wednesday, March The 7th, Night]

Tuesday was Night number two of  the big festival. Went truckin’ on down to check it out, hoping at the least to get in on some hot Takraw action.

The first order of business was to peruse the voluminous vendor stalls. Why? Dunno, really. Chicken-cross-road thing, I guess. Well, good thing I did! First of all, heard some more Creedence blasting out.

Huhn, I guess that just as Bangkok is a hotbed of Scorpionsism, so is Nong Khai a hotbed of Creedenceism. Gotta admit, I can’t fault neither one of them for their isms! (Although I must also admit, the Folk musicians deployed on stages and road-side throughout the grounds were uniformly horrible. Hate to say it, but that’s how I heard it.)

Second of all, street-chefs at work never fail to reel me in.

When passing by first one stall playing Monster Truck vids on the teevee show (and selling a bottomless supply of DVDs of same) and then another stall selling, like, Harley Davidson gear, I did have a flashback to that weird retro Americana market back in Chiang Mai. But those two stalls turned out to be pretty much the size of it.

It was only when I saw this human person…

…that I knew my vendor-stall Walkabout had been worth it. Little did I know, whoops, what was next in store.

This guy…get ready to lose your shit. ‘cause this guy – uhm, if one were to’ve proposed to me, “Son, you’ll pay $1,500 for the round-trip to Nong Khai, Thailand during the Festival; upon arriving which, you’ll exit the aeroplane, go to the vendors’ stalls to see this sumbitch at work for a couple of minutes, thence returning directly back to the US of A.”

If that’d been proposed to me, my response, lightning-quick in the coming, would surely have been, “Yes, have some.” Fuckin’ pudding, man: this guy is the king.

Back the City Hall, was yet another stupid glorification of militarism. But at least the music was good.

Arriving to the Takraw court, the bleachers were certainly nice and full. Thankfully, moreover, there weren’t any teams warming up. Instead, they were all lined up, across the court, while some dudes up on the stage droned on endlessly in a language I didn’t understand. Opening ceremonies, I guess.

Friendly teenager dude sitting next to me offered me some popped corn, but I regrettably needs to refuse.

Finally came the moment for which I’d been pining! The speechifying ended…the official’s high-chair was rolled into place…some balls were handed down out of the bleachers…the White team took to the court…the Yellow team took to the court…and…and…and…both teams began endlessly to warm up.

God damn it all. After their endless warmings of up, the two teams left the court while a little anthem (not the Thai National Anthem, though everybody did stand) was played, after which everybody clapped so politely.

Then the teams returned to the court, and began a round of calisthenics, before yet more warming up. And then, when my hope for actual game-play was at its lowest ebb of despair, the games… they did begin!

Take a letter, boys, from the players in the park in Chiang Mai. Their warm-up consisted of the mock-serious intonation, “Welcome…to Thailand,” and it, straight away, was Game On. Cracks me up to this day, too. I assume this little preamble was a reference to the traditional welcome for Takraw matches broadcast on the teevee show. Or, maybe they were just goofing around for goofing around’s sake?

But I go around repeating “Welcome…to Thailand” even more often that I go around singing the old Luang Prabang classic: “I’ve got hoes (I’ve got hoes) / In different area codes (Area codes)”.

The quality of play in Nong Khai is goddam shit. Could never even get a rally going. The kids are younger (and fatter too), so I suppose in a few years’ time, they’ll be as good as the Chiang Mai masters. But for now, quite un-entertainment, if you want my own opinion.

During the game broke out another impressive-though-brief fireworks display from the nearby re-enactment stage.

Later, heard music emanating again, and followed the sound. It turned out to be the World’s loudest Karoake singing – only, it wasn’t everyday folk like you and me doing the singing, but rather just the same three guys in matching shirts. Blah.

Now then, Wednesday dawned Maka Bucha day, a national Thai holiday. Ha! Wonder what all the “Lucky Buddha Day” scammers in Bangkok do when it really is a Buddhariffic holiday?

Nothing much going down during the daytime. I did visit a Chinese Temple in town. Pretty cool. Odd, though, in that it seemed to be in some ways rather cartoon-ish…

…but also very beautiful.

The Naga had chicken legs protruding. Goofy; but I can’t help give it a thumbs-up.

Spent much of the afternoon escaping the heat at the Guest House garden, conversing with a quite talkative and interesting Swissman. He’s been in the region about four and one-half years; mostly in Thailand, but also in Laos, Malaysia, and Indonesia. He’s planning to head into Cambodia in the next month or so, and probably back home in about a year.

He showed me in his passport where he’d received a dreaded red warning stamp, stating that as he’d got so damned many Thai Tourist Visas in there, that an issuing officer “may” in future refuse to give him any more.

He’s spent a lot of time in Nong Khai; for one because it’s such an enjoyable lifestyle here; but also ‘cause of the proximity to Vientiane, a good place from which to obtain a Tourist Visa (especially for Swiss nationals, whom, lucky skunks, get to enter into Laos free of charge).

Now he’s kinda freaking out, afraid to make a Visa run, but also loathe to make border-runs for the fifteen-day Visa-free entry, as his passport’d soon be all filled up. He’s thinking maybe to head to Bangkok and see if the Swiss Embassy will issue him a new passport.

Anyhow, his brother had recently sent him photos of their home village, at which the river has iced over, and people are ice-skating on it. Apparently such a thing has never happened in his lifetime.

For Maka Bucha evening, the always handy Mut Mee website is on the scene.

This is one of the most important Buddhist holidays, which is marked by “Wian Tian” or the walking ‘round the temple three times with a lighted candle. On the first round one thinks of the Lord Buddha, the second one thinks of his teachings and on the third one thinks of the monks who devote their lives to the practice of Buddhism.

I had read somewhere else that the ceremony is very beautiful. And indeed it is – though not for the reason I had guessed. I figured it would be spectacular-beautiful; hundreds of people, like, lining up, waiting for the Monk’s signal to begin ambulating en masse, candles held high. Instead, it was more like trick-or-treat, with people showing up throughout the dusk hour in waves of five, ten, twenty, whatever; and doing their things.

The “lighted candle” held by each is actually incense, to go along with a small bouquet of flowers. At the end of their labours, many of the participants placed their incense in a nearby planter box, and set it aflame.

It’s just really cool that it’s such a simple little ceremony, and yet it’s looked forward to for the entire year. Not wholly unlike Christmas Morning of course, though that seems somehow more gauche than this particular undertaking. That said, for the younger folk it seemed to be more of a festive occasion, while for the older a more contemplative. The music coming over the loudspeakers added quite nicely to the ambience.

As advertised, the moon was on this night indeed full.

Chose not to attend the Festival, instead returning to the Guest House via the more less deserted, but always thrillingly beautiful Mekong River Walk. From where, yet another huge-and-brief fireworks display filled up the sky. Boom, crack, bam!

Sala Kaew Ku, AKA “Buddha Park”; is bizarre, insane, a little bit frightening, and just plain fucked-up awesome. It’s considered Nong Khai’s primary tourist attraction; but what I wanna know is why it’s not considered one of the must-see destinations in all of Southeast Asia? Why had I not heard about it until a few days ago, when I started reading about things to see and do here? And the admission fee is only 20 Baht!

So what is it? It’s a garden of dozens of gigantic statues inspired by Buddhist and Hindu iconography…as well as, apparently, plenty of drugs.

The descriptions, unfortunately, are all in Thai. But maybe it’s better anyway to not know what was the thinking behind each piece…

My favourite is possibly the seven-headed Naga…

…modeled after Gene Simmons.

But more than any one or t’other piece, the place is really (for my money) about experiencing as a whole – from any point  on the grounds, facing in any direction, one is presented with a mind-shattering display of genius gone stark raving mad.

Who could possibly conceive of this? And having conceived of it, who could possibly execute such an undertaking. I mean, demented as it is, this is very impressive work.

Wandering around, some of the juxtapositions make for insanely righteous photo opportunities.

A display building on the grounds offers three floors more of fun. The halls are filled up with statuary of smaller size, though every bit as wack; as well as some equally sick artwork lining the walls.

The shrines are much the same story.

The third floor’s windows offer some great bird’s-eye view sights of the garden.

Meanwhile, back inside, the Third Floor is some kind of nutso ode to the artist himself; featuring scores of photos, many of them doctored up.

Also, in a locked room, a bubble-dome containing (I have learnt from the always helpful Mut Mee website) his mummified remains. Hey, if I’d made a place like this, I’d damn sure want my mummified remains to be kept onsite as well.

The building is equipped with a handful of gongs on each floor. The public is not only invited to sound the gongs…

…but doing so wins one a blessing from The Heaven Aboved.

Here I am, winning mine. Gotta keep that mind radiant, boy!

At the back of the grounds sits an area called “The Wheel Of Life”, which can be accessed via tunnel through the monster’s gullet.

Inside are depicted ‘round the ring scenes from the daily lives of civilians, including the rousing skeletons-in-love scenario.

In the middle of it all, the multi-headed, multi-armed Buddha looks on.

What a place! As one might expect, I did get a little crazy with the picture-taking device. Maybe went a little overboard. But then, maybe not. You be the judge. Did I say before that this ought to be considered one of the must-see destinations in all of Southeast Asia? Scratch that: I now say that if one is alive on Planet Earth, one must, before one dies of death, pay a visit.

I had painstakingly jewed the Tuk-Tuk driverman’s fee down to 150 Baht from his 300 Baht opening offer. But because I’d been so thrilled with the experience, and because I’d lingered inside so long he’d had to come looking for me, I decided to give him 200 Baht (and have him pose for a picture to boot).