The Gift Of Sound And Vision

It’s no secret that I’m a sucker for spectacle. But the Chinese New Year festivities in Bangkok were a staggering two-day sensory overload of such immensity as to leave me wondering whether there may not be anything the man-made world can offer that could possibly top it.

Probably, that’s more the effect of the proximity than the fundamental reality. Even if so, it was one hell of an experience.

The first day, Monday, began innocently enough near a temple entrance when this lady offered to let me release one of the cages full of birds for 100 Baht. Brings good luck, she said. Probably not some kind of a scam, I didn’t think, as the Chinese are of course very superstitious. Even so, I declined the offer.

Yoawarat Road had been closed off to traffic, the decorations had been hung…

…the finishing touches were being applied…

…and it was time to party like it was 2555! And in Bangkok, nothing says “party” like a massive street fair. And so, that’s exactly what we got.

The food vendors were everywhere.

The Royal Thai Police were everywhere…

…and mostly appeared to be rather enjoying themselves.

The lions were everywhere.

The people-watching was straight-up phenomenal.

And, of course, the temples were filled to bursting.

The only thing cooler than being in a place and not knowing what the hell is going on is being in a place and not knowing what the hell is going on in a language you don’t understand. Just drop your jaw and soak it all in.

Another case in point here — although even those that do understand the language seemed wholly oblivious to the speaker’s exhortations.

Chinese New Year 02

Along about mid-afternoon, I paused to put on the old five-toed shoes so’s I could go inside and use the pisser. A very nice lady, digging the shoes, began to ask me all sorts of questions about them, me, my travels, and cetera.

Of course, she asked them in Thai. With each new question, after waiting a bit for me to respond, then finally accepting that I’d not understood the question, she’d slap her embarrassed pre-teen daughter on the back of the head; the daughter then dutifully, if reluctantly, acting as interpreter.

At one point, she unfurled a banner depicting a temple that she had “built”. Whether it means she was the architect, or provided some funding, or aided in the labors, or constructed the whole damned thing by her own lonesome self I couldn’t quite work out. But whatever her role had been, she was very happy with herself for having taken it: this much was clear.

Soon enough, it was time to get ready for the parade. “Oh, boy,” thunk I, “this is gonna be great!” Normally, I don’t grok parades in the least. Just not my thing. But, Chinese New Year? Bangkok? This is gonna be great!

The throngs lined the street.

Little Thai flags were distributed.

The precise width of the route was adjusted, then re-adjusted. The anticipation was in the air. Twilight, then darkness, began to take hold.

One hour passed, then maybe even a second. The anticipation grew and grew. Then, finally, it was time!

What I had assumed was the King (but later learned was actually the Queen) sped by in a nice yellow Rolls. No photos allowed, so I can’t show you the speeding by of her majesty. A schoolgirl next to me had surreptitiously turned on her camera and wrapped it in a handkerchief — but when the moment came, she either chickened out, or her conscience got the best of her.

Everybody (myself included) gaily waved our little Thai flags. Some more official vehicles sped by. And then…and then…the crowds dispersed, and the street vendors swooped in to take their place. It was all over! That was the parade!

Crazy weirdo Thais. But they love their royalty, they do.

I decided to go see what was doing in the Big Huge Mega-Temple near the Chinatown gate, arriving just as chairs were being set up in the large courtyard area between structures.

“Oh, boy” thunk I, “Maybe it’ll be a puppet show!” Swear to god, that’s what I thought might be in store. Seems, in retrospect, insane for that to have been my best guess as to the nature of the forthcoming event. Be that as it may, I dutifully sat my ass down, and waited for the show to begin.

Which it soon enough did, in a language I do not understand. Basically, I think it was akin to a Christmas-time Midnight Mass. No puppets, but the big kahuna of the temple (I think is who it was) arrived, and I got slapped by one of the under-monks, and made to sit up straight and get my feet out of the aisle for his passing. (I was far from the only person to suffer this fate!)

The kahuna gave a blessing or two, then departed. That’s him walking back down the aisle at the beginning of this clip.

Chinese New Year 03

You’ll have noticed that the dude on the mic has a very nice singing voice, so the ceremony was enjoyable enough. But after the singing stopped, and the lecturing started up again, I decided to beat a hasty retreat, and head on up to the top of the big house to pay my respects. When in Rome, and all.

It was a nice view from the top, and the enlightened one was there in all his gleaming glory.

Pardon the cynicism, but one can’t help wonder what ol’ Siddhartha would’ve made of the opulence of the surroundings, the enormity of the temples (both the religious temples and the “secular” enormo shopping domes), and the seemingly unchecked devotion to material gain to be found hereabouts? Ah, well: no different from any other religion, I suppose.

Meanwhile, back out at the mainstage (what I’m going to guess was) an incredible Chinese trad/fusion band was busy laying a two-ton whipping right down on the llama’s ass.

It was pretty loud, though, and I figured that it would’ve overloaded my camera’s puny microphone, so here’s some footage of a nearby Thai street band (also great) instead.

Chinese New Year 04

Saw these cats again on the second night, and that time they really knocked me sideways. But by then, my camera’s batteries had already given up the ghost, so that was that.

Also nearby, hordes of people were stuffing moneys into the lion’s maw, and rubbing their pocket-books all up against it — presumably, to bring wealth during the coming year. (No comment from yours truly.)

Out on Yaowarat and environs, it was suppertime.

The annual Georgia/Florida football game may be known as the “World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party”, but Bangkok Chinese New Year is surely the World’s Largest Outdoor Restaurant, one should think. Here’s a glimpse of the action down some little side-alley.

Chinese New Year 05

Once, I thought I’d spied a vendor selling lychees, and begin moving toward him, the tears of absolute joy already welling up in my eye-sockets. Then, it turned out to be fuckin’ strawberries. Boo! Tell you this much: if it had been lychees, I’d have marched my dimpled ass right back to the temple and paid my due respects in triplicate!

The massive human traffic-jam got even more jammed when the throngs again began to line up for a parade down Yaowarat. Some white guys I asked about it said they thought that the Princess was going to drive through. Crazy!

Probably impossible to adequately describe the wondrous magnificence of the decorations, especially at night-time. Difficult to decide, in any given moment, which to marvel at: the street food scene, or the spectacular decor.

Somehow, walking along under this particular section of lanterns brought a feeling of complete serenity (or something like). Our amazing street-musician friend here added a beautiful surreality to the ambiance.

Chinese New Year 06

Alas, the evening needs must eventually come to an end; and so it was time to catch the subway back down to Silom, to wonder the night away at the day’s unquenchable smorgasbord of being.

For one young Chinaman, dreamtime had already arrived.

 

On the second day, Tuesday, only a few blocks of Yaowarat were closed off to traffic. So while the street fair raged on inside (and the decorations seemed to have gotten even more resplendent), the rest of Chinatown was more less business as usual.

The only real signs of the holiday were the old men painting banners (with, I imagine, some manner of New Year’s blessing) to be sold…

…and the beauticians working their magic for the young ladies.

The people-watching was once again to die for. I spotted this-here fellow, and thought he’d make a great subject. Turned out, he was on the beeline for somewhere, and it took me some blocks to get in a position to even take a half-way decent shot. The end result isn’t even anything special; but when this much effort goes into it, you wanna share it with the world any old way!

No surprise by now, the street musicians were kicking ass ten ways from Sunday…

Chinese New Year 07

…and the food vendors were going off. These guys were very literally pounding into shape someĀ  sort of pastry log.

Chinese New Year 08

Second day at the mainstage was all about the Lion tournaments. Wowie-zowie, talk about some mind-bendingly impressive acrobatics!

Chinese New Year 09

Chinese New Year 10

Chinese New Year 11

That white lion was so far off the hook they’ll never get it back on again. The stunts perpetrated after these two clips were, if you could believe it, even more breathtaking than what you’ve seen here; and were accompanied by the occasional blast from a confetti cannon, and a purple smoke-bomb to finish it all off in grand style.

What appeared to be a couple of bizarre performance artists with wonderfully beguiling narration, it later turned out, were actually some sort of Festival royalty, I think. Anyway, kinda trippy.

Chinese New Year 12

After the work-day had ended, Yaowarat was closed off to traffic for a good mile or so. Only this time, with no parades to line up for, the whole of the street could be given over to the only thing that matters: street vendors and trinket sellers, Bangkok style! Scratch that: hyper-Bangkok style.

Mix it in with the omnipresent decorations, and it added up, yet again, to a swirling, whirling, onrushing melange of culture the likes of which this-here blogger never has seen. So incredible!

Lots and lots (and lots and lots, and still more lots) of pictures of the scene over at my Flickr page. Go check ’em out, if you will. There are (if I may say so) a very great many wonderful images to be learned.

I was eager to discover for how long this guy would keep repeating this deliciously hypnotic proverb (if proverb it be)…finally figured out that it was a recording.

Chinese New Year 13

There were, by the way, many a Durian to be found. But they were just too expensive for my blood. Also, not very aromatic, making me believe that it’s still too early in the season for them to be of very high quality.

Purchased some watermelon from this fine gentleman…

…which was tasty enough that I just had to purchase me some more. As chance would have it, a piece of watermelon fell onto the road as I was putting the change into my pocket. I bent over and plopped it into my mouth; and the lady behind me on line started freaking out. Jeez, I guess she’s never heard of the two-second rule!

After having dazed and amazed my way down the entire length of the bazaar, I sat for a while to take it all in as the lights began to blink on. I like all of the discrete sounds one can identify in this clip. There’s the song, the monologue, the voices, the motorcycle, and the general murmur and clatter of commerce.

Chinese New Year 14

As darkness took hold, I wandered back down the other side of Yaowarat to see what I would see over on that side of the street, and got involved in the mother of all human traffic jams. No worries, though: just look around and boggle at it all. Entertainment for ages.

Found my way down a side-alley for a bit, and for some many minutes became totally entranced by this master at work.

Chinese New Year 15

Eventually, I did arrive back to the mainstage, where trophies were being awarded to the best of the day’s lioneers. Arrived just at the end, and it looks as though that white lion was indeed the championship winner.

Went and sat down for a bit, and thought maybe I’d seen all there was to be seen. But some little voice told me not to leave just yet. After all, I’d read that I should expect to hear plenty of firecrackers, and had not yet heard a one. Maybe it was almost firecracker time?

Soon enough, the dramatic music coming from the mainstage began to grow even still more dramatic, and I thought I’d may as well stand up and have a look. It was a spectacular dance troupe using an enormous gold runner as a prop. Yes, definitely worth sticking around for.

Then the dance troupe exited, and on came the mega-dragon. So enormous it had to coil itself around and around the stage. It was something to behold. As I say, my camera’s batteries’ juice had long since dripped their last drops. I did manage, with the little bit of re-juice, to get a photo or two…

…as well as a clip of exceedingly brief duration.

Chinese New Year 16

As the dragon was writhing and roiling its way about the stage and the music grew more and more dramatic, a dozen or so operators clad in skin-tight yellow rubberwear (or what have you) gradually went up a free-standing ladder, and the dragon thereby “climbed” its way up to the top, coiling ’round and ’round them. The dragon’s head must’ve been fifty feet above the stage, I guess — I’m so poorly at estimating distances; but suffice to say that it was way up there.

After much fire-breathing and carrying on, the dragon finally uncoiled itself back down to the stage, and then slithered itself all the way on down Yaowarat (an aisle for the purpose having been obligingly cleared by the street-vendors).

I’ve never seen anything like it.

On one hand, I feel like such an un-cultured schmuck for having been utterly ignorant that such a production could possibly take place in this world. On the other, I feel lucky to have witnessed it not only without any preconceptions, but without any conception period: five minutes before it happened, I had no idea that it, or anything like, was going to happen.

After that, I just wandered around in a daze for a few hours beneath the magical lanterns, trying to believe that I had just witnessed what I’d just witnessed. Thailand, wow.

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Motormouth

Crazy German guy staying at the hostel these last two nights.

He had been en route from New Zealand to Frankfurt, but had his carry-on stolen while laying over in Bangkok — with it his passport, money, laptop, and whatnot. Took him five hours to get it sorted out with Customs and the German Embassy; but he has to wait until the work-week to be able to get a temporary passport and get his ticket replaced, and so on.

He somehow has a few hundred baht, didn’t quite catch how he got that, but that’s pretty much it. His checked luggage didn’t get stopped in time, so is now in Frankfurt.

Anyway, the guy never shuts up for more than half a second. Entertaining as Hell, though. I’ve heard his 9/11 conspiracy theory enough times for one visit (not to say I disagree with it; just that I don’t need to hear it anymore). Otherwise, he’s keeping me in stitches.

Funniest thing I heard him say to-day (concerning McDonald’s): “I prevented my daughter from eating that shit until she was twelve; but then I couldn’t control her anymore.”

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Wave Of Mutilation

I am just fucking Bangkok’s Longan (they call ’em “Lum Yai”) supply up. If you see on the teevee show that the city is experiencing a shortage, you’ll know why.

Some vendors at a market, after making fun of my bare feet, tried to sell me some Rambutans. I told them to bring me to the Lychees, or to quit wasting my time. Dammit, why is Lychee season so brief (it’s the same thing in Hawaii)? Is this some sort of divine torture?

In other fruit news, I’ve changed my mind about the citrus here — at least the Satsumas. They’re delicious (there are vendors selling their juice, too — freshly squeezed — on pretty much every corner), and not terribly expensive.

I think Durian season may be coming ’round sooner than later. I’ve now seen street vendors selling it in two different areas of the city in the last three days. Still a bit on the pricy side, but I may have to break down and get me some before the season proper arrives.

Raw corn doesn’t really work here. So, I did break down and eat some cooked corn on the cob; not as many corn vendors as juice, but still quite a lot. They’ve yellow, white, purple, and a kind of purple/white mix — steamed or grilled, depending upon the vendor. The yellow are sweet, but the others are starchy. Either way, rather good indeed.

So there you have it: I didn’t come all the way to Thailand only to utterly fail to indulge any of its famous culinary offerings.

Coconuts are just priced so nicely that’s it’s difficult to stop drinking them! They don’t have the effervescence of the Hawaiian coconut, but they’re damned delicious all the same.

As previously noted, you don’t see many street musicians here; but those that you do see put a for-reals whipping right on the llama’s ass! Check this guy out.

Which, first of all, he’s fucking awesome. Ought to have taken more footage of him, ’cause he just about knocked this song so far onto its ass that friggin’ Humpty Dumpty would be all like, “What the FUCK just happened to this song’s ass?”

Second of all, neglected to mention this the other night. The pre-event music at the fights included a compilation (whether official or not, I couldn’t say) of Scorpions ballads. Made me wanna break out some Scorps rekkids and give ’em a spin. But then, this guy happened.

Don’t know about you, but I consider one occurrence to be random statistical noise. While, two? That’s a damned hysteria. Right here on the streets of Bangkok is Scorpions hysteria, and that ain’t no joke.

Well, I guess that ol’ “may you live in interesting times” thing is happening right before our very eyes.

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Wednesday Night’s All Right (For Fighting)

Muay Thai Boxing is the big-time sport here. Basically, it’s anything goes (the Thais’ favourite manoeuvre seems to be the well-aimed knee to the opponent’s ass) — excepting that they don’t brawl it out on the ground, like the UFC does.

There are two stadia in Bangkok which feature cards several nights per week; and it’s apparently a great experience. Alas, it’s kinda pricey. However, all is not lost, as MBK Centre hosts a free fight night every Wednesday; right outside the mall.

Free fighting? Ringside seats? A “Master Woody” production? Count me in!

Once the throngs were gathered — both on the Skytrain walkways and at ringside…

…then the fighting could begin!

The card was comprised of three female and three male bouts; all but one included an international fighter — they came from England, America, Germany, and France. There was also a Japanese fighter on the program (“Hero”), but his fight was cancelled (possibly because of time constraints; not sure).

Mostly, the internationals got the better of the Thais, which, I should guess, had to be something of a bitter pill for the gathered hordes to have to swallow.

The fights were largely quite good, and heartily battled.

But almost as entertaining as the fighting action itself were the at-times Beatlemaniacal crowd and the crazy snake-charming music played in the pre-fight dance performances, and also during the actual fighting.

In the end, while the large arena fighting events are surely much more electric than this modest affair, it was still a night of charged emotions: these fighters came to win.

Seated near me were an Englishman and a couple of Californians. All had visited Seattle before. Nice chatting with them, but if you’re wanting to meet some local Thais, I can give you a word of advice.

Walk around the city barefoot, and you’ll have more Thais than you know what to do with pointing at your bare feet and asking you what you’ll presume to be something along the lines of, “Where are your shoes, gringo Yankee?” Then, when you gesture toward your backpack, they’ll just laugh and laugh at your stupid, ridiculous ass.

Once in a while, though, one of them will be an English speaker, and will quickly grow bored with the subject of your bare feet, and will instead begin peppering you with questions about your travels in Thailand.

(Advice given free of charge.)

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Any Fool Knows A Dog Needs A Home

But there are either 120,000 or 300,000 (depending upon which paragraph in their Wikipedia entry you believe) stray dogs in Bangkok. Some are apparently rather nasty, but all the ones I’ve seen look happier than all Hell.

They often simply laze it away on the street.

They sometimes travel singly; but usually in small packs — and they look as though they’re having the times of their lives doing so. See how happy they look!

But I never see anybody petting them. I’m tempted to do, but don’t want to turn into the Pied Piper of Soi Dogs. I’m already that for kids when juggling. It’s actually pretty funny: they all make the same hand motion, whenever you stop to chat or shake their hands, urging you to continue. It’s so uncanny, one is tempted to believe that the gesture is taught in schools: “When you see somebody juggling, and the son of a bitch stops juggling, just make this motion, and they’ll be sure to start up again.”

The other day, one kid was calling out, “Yo, yo, yo, hey, yo, yo yo, hey…” to the rhythm of the catches. It just so happened, that it was a particularly long four-ball rally — one of my best ever — and his calls became more and more manic as the rally proceeded. Until, finally, I dropped a ball; whereoupn a big laugh was had by all parties.

From the Your Wish Is My Command Dept., commenter “your sister” (I have three, so it’s a bit of an ambiguity…) requests:

Hope your next video at the park includes you busting a move too!

Here are a few clips. Would’ve shot more footage, but it takes quite a while to upload here; so this’ll have to do.

In other news, I usually see exactly one fat-ass Thai per day. But last night, was sitting watching the street scene, and all of the suddenly about ten fat-assed Thais in a row passed in front of me! I was sure I had crossed to a parallel universe in which many Thais are fat-asses, and was about to conduct a test for parallel universe-ness. Except for two problems.

  1. Don’t know how to conduct testing for parallel universe-ness.
  2. Just as suddenly as they had appeared, the fat-assed Thais disappeared; have not been seen from again.

Also, it rained yesterday, for about twenty minutes. I had decided to take up the eating of watermelon in a gazebo in the park, as it looked like it might rain, and didn’t want to have to bother with finding cover smack in the middle of watermelon-eating. When the rain started, many people scurried into the gazebo too, and it was a big ol’ party.

Nice little gazebo. This water has to do with the sprinklers, not the rain; but the reflection effect is pretty cool.

Saw another amazing concert in the park from the Symphony Orchestra. Had not realised that the series runs every Sunday, figuring it’d be just once per month. But happened to be in the park, and noticed them setting up, and was struck with elation.

The first twenty minutes or so, this week, was the kids’ revue. Had finally decided that it was going to be all kids’ revue for this week, and was just thinking of getting up to leave. But then, they brought out the big guns, and a greatness ensued. More trivia, more gift-giving. Whole enchilada. Even had a guest trumpetist in from somewheres, and he knocked it for a goddam loop.

Oh, also noticed another best thing about Bangkok the other day, when I heard a siren. Namely, there aren’t any sirens! Now, of course, if I did hear one, that can’t be strictly speaking true.

But the event is so rare as to be virtually non-existent. Don’t know if there aren’t any emergencies in Bangkok — in a city of twelve million, this seems improbable. Don’t know if they use hovercraft to respond to emergencies — think I’d maybe have heard about this before now. Don’t know if they have different siren etiquette than in the States.

Just know that no sirens and no leaf blowers is some kinda wonderful!

After having read the following at Wikitravel, I don’t feel so badly about my orienteering debacles in Chinatown.

The area is filled with narrow alleys and obscure pedestrian-only routes, and is crossed by a few giant roads that feel like small highways. Finding your way around isn’t made easy as road signs are blocked by the bulk of neon-signs and other merchandise that sellers hang up to attract customers. The perfect map for the district still has to be created, so adapt to the situation and expect to get lost often.

Got me a ticket to ride. Have decided to head up to Chiang Mai after the Chinese New Year. Will be riding in a non-air-conditioned lower sleeping berth. About $15 for the 14-hour trip. After that, think I will pop into Cambodia and visit Angkor Wat; and from there, we’ll see how it goes.

My headphones conked out, and I went on a big wild-goose chase trying to finding a replacement pair.

Was told to look at Chatuchak market, and kept asking there. People kept pointing north, north, north to D.G. Centre (a shopping mall). In the info booth, was told I’d be able to find some on the second floor. After asking a thousand different vendors, and being pointed a thousand different directions, finally did find the one who sold such things, and they were just the stoopid in-ear variety that I hate (and that can be found on every street corner here).

Was told to look at MBK Centre (another shopping mall). Found some, but they were way expensive, and big and bulky to boot.

Finally, learnt that Pantip Plaza is the “IT” mall in Bangkok, so headed there. Yes, they do have headphones. Pretty much every pair of headphones in the city, if not all of Asia, can be found at Pantip Plaza. But about 98% of them come with microphones. For Internet chat, apparently. What is this shit? I mean, if it’s what the kids are into, you gotta feed ’em a bone or two; but no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater, ain’t it?

Oh, well, finally did find a somewhat-okay pair; quite inexpensive. They were on “hotsale”, as you can see.

Was reprimanded for having taken this photo. Why? It’s “illegal” to take photos. At least, that’s what they kept saying. Weird.

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