World Of Durian

You’re a monk of a certain age. You’ve attained a level of respect. You’re entitled to travel in style, you’re…

monkstruck

The weather here in Chanthaburi can’t seem to make up its mind. Partly sunny, mostly cloudy, spitting rain, torrential downpour: these are all, at any given moment, in play. But even when the latter, the Durian must get through!

It’s a welcome change after the searing heat of Siem Reap, Bangkok, and Vientiane. When the little breeze kicks in, it’s the absolutely heaven-sent atmospheric condition – much reminiscent of Hilo Town in this way.

I stepped off the bus, to be immediately greeted by the first of many a downpour to be experienced since my arrival. After waiting for it to settle to a dull roar, walked around a while, and found a charming little hotel right in the middle of town; then promptly et the best Durian of all my born days. Never got that one from the Festival, however; but rather from the huge, sprawling Fresh Market just a few blocks from the hotel.

That set the tone, all right.

The seat of Thailand’s Durian Empire, the province is also in abundance with Snake Fruit (first noticed these in Cambodia; but have not yet tried, as they’re rather pricey), Mangosteen (off the hook delicious, and ringing up at 50 cents to the pound!), and Rambutan.

rambutan

Despite it all, though, the number-one most-favourite delicacy appears  to be the same as it is throughout Thailand.

pork

But, at least at World Durian Festival 2012, the in-season fruit reigns supreme.

festentrance

More vendors than one can shake a stick at, of course. But also a free Thai-fruit buffet, a Durian-eating contest, and lots of floats (literally floating in the lake).

float

Now, why an elephant, or a frog, placed atop a bed of Rambutans?

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Well, why not? Hell, why not a half-marathon-running frog?

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There’re also some music stages; the musicians here seem to be much more accomplished that their Nong Khai brethren.

entertainment

Here are the prize-winning fruits.

winners

And check this enormous jakfruit.

jakfruit

If all the fruit madness weren’t enough, Chanthaburi is some kind of global transshipment hub for rubies and sapphires and stuff; so the town’s loaded with shoppes selling and buying same.

On top of all this, there’s something about bunny-rabbits. See one of the helpful town direction signs.

townsign

In addition, all of the streetlamps are adorned thus:

bunny

So, a town with a lot going for it; so one would think. But in point of fact, it’s absolutely no aspirations whatever at attracting tourists. The people are just the people, the town just the town; and any sign of a caucasoidal visitor is almost like as good as a alien from Mars.

A good place to experience genuine Thai culture – but the would-be anthropological visitor soon discovers that while he’s watching them, they’re watching him as well!

But they folk’re damned friendly, they are. Why, just yesterday, a couple drove up on a motorcycle and handed me a bag of Rambutans. A fortuitous event, as, though I cared for them not in Hawaii, I’d been wanting to try some here.

…And now I remember why they’re suck-ass. It’s ‘cause the damned skin of the seed adheres to the flesh, so’s one cannot but eat this frickin’ skin when chowing down the fruit. Bleah. Besides, its flavour is a very pale imitation to the almighty Lychee.

After struggling with a few, I purposed to just re-gift them. This was easier said then done, however. Tried giving these things away all over fucking town, and nobody would take them! Sheesh. Finally, the receptionist here at the hotel was happy to have them. He started munching away quite immediately.

Even the free Durian samples have been forthcoming – from vendors and civilians alike.

Well, one thing I did do yesterday was to help some dudes unload a beverage delivery. So, possibly, word got ‘round that there’s a Barefoot Farang in town helping out with the manual labour. Maybe that’s because why I later was being gifted with Durian and Rambutan alike? Probably, though, it’s just ‘cause the people here are just genuinely very friendly.

I did receive some pretty funny “advice”, whilst down by the river lunching a huge quantity of Mongosteens. A fisherman stopped by to shoot the shit for a little while; assuming that I would soon be on my way to one of the islands.

I corrected him that I’m here in town for the Festival. It at first didn’t register, but when I added “Durian”, he became quite animated indeed, warning me not to eat any more. See, ‘cause if one mixes Durian with whiskey (or so he says), it’s curtains. And, “You don’t need to die.” Huhn, the possibility of abstaining from whiskey rather than from the King Of Fruits had apparently not crossed his mind.

Anyhow, it’s presumably the absence of any touristic pretensions which gives the town its charm. I’d say, “I love this place – except for the goddam traffic.” But here, the goddam traffic seems to be essential to the people’s beings.

I mean to say, that while motorcycles are inescapably annoyingly numerous throughout Asia; here in Chanthaburi, it’s as though they’re not just a tool to get from place to place, but instead a very extension of one’s self. As if, were a townsperson to be separated from his or her bike for more than a few moments’ time, certain death would swiftly ensue.

Can’t put my finger on it; it’s just the feeling I get. At any rate, there’s something just a little bit off, just a little bit goofily weird – even by Thai standards – about the people here. Quite endearingly so, let me hasten to ad.

One can see it in the signs and advertisements, for one.

tear

I like how the raindrop makes it look like she’s a solitary tear running down her face; but even without, don’t you wonder just what’s going on in that phone conversation?

muslimfood

I’ve never before heard tell of “Muslim Food”. Probably it means Halal, I guess. Meanwhile, one can’t but hope that this won’t be on the quiz.

fruit

gems

As far as this goes…well, what can one say?

music

But, now, see if you don’t agree that the people here are wonderfully wacky; some kind of a breed apart.

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How Much Can One Man Eat?

World Durian Festival 2012 off to a rousing start, as my billfold is already several ounces lighter than it so recently had been. Tonight’s Bill Of Fare:

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Now, That Hit The Fucking Spot!

Just finished off four small Durian; you gotta know: Durianless since Sunday, I was, previous to having done, one unhappy camper. I did share ’em out with the De Talak peeps; so it weren’t quite the gluttonous outburst as it may on first blush sound.

The gang’s all here (well much of it, anyway).

  • The Japanesians, returned from Ko Samet (though just now out the door to get the Night Train to Chiang Mai). They will’ve returned at about the time the Durian fest shall be concluding; at which time they want to go bowling. Er, do Vivo Barefoot produce a bowling shoe? (Only semi-joking here, folks: the line is pretty huge; wouldn’t be totally shocked if they did do.)
  • Lee, the Finnish Chinaman, returned from Krabi (where he dropped his i-phone “into the sea…it’s totally dead, into the sea; you cannot fix it anymore”). He’s back to Finland on Sunday.
  • Two of the Koreans, still here from when last I left. One of whom is becoming a fairly avid Durianoholic (at Khlong Toei, as I type these words, making his first-ever purchase).
  • The super-nice Japanesienne and her Italian boyfriend, looking to rent an apartment and open a business here. She appears both aghast and elated that there is such an event as the World Durian Festival 2012.
  • Carolyn, the stock-market-playing grandma, has been here continuously since my first visit, though, cleared of gout, she’s off to Hua Hin tomorrow.
  • Chris, the Indonesian with the impeccable Queen’s English.
  • The Koreanne shopping addict, returned from Cambodia.
  • Not to mention Rata, who burst forth a fascinating and hilarious rant against the private school in her neighbourhood, whose children’s parents’ rude and ignorant behaviours whilst dropping the brats off for schooling have sent the residents into a tizzy.

Just another day in the vortex! To think, I’d not even expected to bed down here for this night (nor, of course, to’ve attended Lumphini Aerobics!). My plan was to bust out to Chanthaburi straight away; but the train rolled into Bangkok four hours (count ’em!) behind schedule; and as I don’t have the faintest foggiest idea where I’m going to drop stakes in Chanthaburi, I want to get there plenty early in the day to be able to have a look around.

The last hour or so of the train ride was taken up in conversation with a twenty-something Thai; spoke pretty good English, but his accent made it often difficult to work out what he was saying. This didn’t prevent him from insisting that I answer his queries concerning American practices in re lightning rods, charcoal, hydroelectric power, uranium, potatoes, voltage, and other increasingly bizarre topics. Son of a bitch had the nerve to complain to me about my accent whene’er I tried to use some Thai words.

The Durian in Nong Khai were incredibly expensive, but the lychees incredibly inexpensive — not to mention scary-delish. I decided that the Lychee is my third-favourite fruit; Durian and Mango neck-and-neck for the Top O’ The Pops. At its best, Durian is untouchable — but bullshit fruits are more common than I’d hope (still, I’m better at selecting too-right Durian than I am Watermelon), while Mangoes are consistently ace-high.

Have taken another decision as well; to wit, I’e concluded that to open Durian with a knife is a sacrilege. If the Durian ain’t ripe enough to open by hand, it ain’t ripe enough to eat. You can carve that into my fuckin’ tombstone; ’cause it’s my Biblical Law now, bay-bee.

Dreaming of Durian eaten and still to-be eaten, I remain…

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Everybody’s Got Something To Hide (Except For Me And My Buddha)

So it came to pass that on Monday evening, I kept asking the staffer here at the guest house whether there would be a parade next day in honour of International Labour? She kept answering that, not to worry, the guest house would remain open business as usual. It’d only be government offices that’d be closed.

O-kay. I took a different tack, asking, how about the buses out to Buddha Park; expecting a resounding NO, the buses would not be running. Instead received a resounding YES, the buses would be running; else how would all the good Lao people, having received a day off work, get out to the park?

Right on! Up nice and early Tuesday morning, there was a walkathon (or what) in progress.

walkathon

Only other evidence I ever did see that the most Holiest Day in all of Communism was in progress was…

slide

Shit you not!! They set up this fucking slide thing in the middle of the park. It hadn’t been there Monday, and it wasn’t there to-day. Happy Labour Day, kids!

Grabbed the city bus out to Xieng Khuan, arriving shortly before the scheduled opening time of 8:00 in the AM. Kid came running up to collect my admission fee. Then, when I emerged from the shitter, he was there to collect that fee – only to go booking back up to the front gate when he seen another group approaching.

Even by 8:00 in the AM, it was already so hot. But I’d not known about this place when last I’d visited Vientiane, and wasn’t about to let a little obstacle such as 9,000° outside stand in my way.

What it is, it’s the analog to Sala Kaew Ku; which, you may recall, I consider to be one of the very greatest sites in all of Asia, if not the goddam Solar System itself. The artist had built the Vientiane (it’s actually about 30 kilometres outside of the city, down the bumpiest road in World history) Park in 1958; then was excommunicated from Laos; taking refuge in Thailand, where he cracked it wide open with the Sala Kaew Ku in 1978.

Whereas the Nong Khai site is the full realisation of a fantastically depraved worldview; the Vientiane Park is more like a wack testing ground. Well factually, it’s not even all that weird – except for the so-called “Pumpkin”.

park1

You head in through the mouth, there; and inside there are four levels, with an under-lit room to each level. The first- and third-level rooms can only be achieved by climbing up an outer stairway to levels two and four, and then descending/ascending the inner stairways to get to one and three.

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From the roof, one has a nice view of the Park, including the great Reclining Buddha situated nearby.

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Inside the rooms are some (relatively) pedestrian Budhhiatic scenes; although you can see they’re not terribly well maintained (whether this is by design I do not know).

park2

But the real story is the absolutely horrific displays of violence portrayed right alongside. Maybe this is a sort of commentary on the ridiculous Hell and Damnation imagery depicted in so many religious artworks? At any rate, it’s the stuff of which nightmares are made. (Funny thing is, all the kids gravitated to goofing off inside here while their parents were exploring the rest of the Park.)

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As I say, the Park isn’t as wacked-out insane as is its Nong Khai cousin, but it does have its moments.

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Also, far fewer of the towering giants; but, then again, there are a couple.

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It’s got the Nong Khai Park beaten like a drum in one department: butterflies. There’re lots of ‘em (as befits its Laotian address)! You can see a few here.

butterflies

As in Nong Khai, there are some terrific juxtapositions given sight by one’s particular location and viewing angle at the given moment.

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Another thrill Nong Khai’s doesn’t offer:

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This may be the most treacherous staircase ever.

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But then once you get to the top and have a look inside…

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…it’s just a goddam empty room. Sick joke!

This man/Naga is pretty bad-assed.

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As, in general, is the Park. If one would choose one of them to which to pilgrimise, it’s the Nong Khai side without a moment’s hesitation. But the Vientiane side’s certainly worth a visit as well. (And at $2 for the round-trip bus and admission, quite the bargain!) I’ll’ve uploaded the pics to my Flickr page’s Sala Kaew Set.

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The return trip, we stopped in at the Frontier — about eight kilometres from the park — to pick up riders to bring into town. I remembered, now, how much I love Laotian bus drivers. “Talad Sae! Talad Sae!” the driver repeatedly shouted out his window as he drove around the area, a fistful of Kip he’d collected in fare clutched in the same hand with which he operated the gearshift. Talad Sae is the morning market; located next door to the bus station.

“Talad Sae! Talad Sae!” That exclamation is gonna drive my dreams, I suspect, for many weeks to come.

Vancouverite with whom I shared the dorm the first two nights was pretty cool. He’s just got on the 24-hour bus to Hanoi. Said he’d been out, a few nights ago, with a couple of friends (a Belgian and an Alaskan), drinking beers down at the river.

The Alaskan fired up a reefer, and the threesome was immediately beset by the fuzz, who wanted to fine him ten million Kip (about $1,250). He was able, after a few hours’ arguing, to get off by paying everything he had on him; which was about $200. You just don’t wanna light up in Laos, mang.

The Vancouverite also cast another vote for Nepal. He’d in February trekked about four days’ worth of the Annapurna Circuit, and had quite loved it. He’d not gone to Nepal for trekking, as it happens; but because he’d been to Kathmandu as a youngster, and wanted to return. Then, after having been there a few days, he realised all the backpackers were heading out to trek, and decided, When in Rome…

Yesterday evening, Tuesday, I drew a pretty large crowd whilst juggling in the park. There were even a handful willing to give it a try – quite unusual in my Asian experience. A few who were especially appreciative of my abilities stuck around for quite a while, practicing their English on me.

Names of “Tao” and “Symphun”, they were super-nice guys. The latter eventually started going off with back-flips, hand-walking, one-armed pushups, the whole shebang. I told him this was much more impressive than my stupid little jugglings.

handwalking

As he was leaving, he became the third Indochinaman to request my e-mail address. The first two have to-date failed to contact me. Hopefully, this time’ll be the charm, as I really quite enjoyed these gents’ company.

As night came on, there was a fine light-show over the Thailand side. Didn’t hear any thunder, so I suppose it was fairly far off. One will see a half-way decent flash near the end of this clip. No surprise, though, the camera’s lens failed to capture any of the truly magnificent goings-off.

To-day, Wednesday, scooped up my Passport with freshly minted Thai Tourist Visa ensconced safely inside. I’ve actually got until the 29th of July to enter the Kingdom with this Visa – but there’re Durian to be eaten, and they shan’t be eaten in Laos!

This shop was pretty funny looking; though I didn’t attend.

mania

After some exceptionally delicious lychees, I did find my way back to the gallery whose exhibition I’d loved so much last time I’d been here. Was disappointed to find that the same exhibition is still on display, even though it was supposed to have closed on the 28th of February. Well, the photos are still as breathtaking as they’d been the first time. Photographer’s called “Adri Berger”, in case you wanted to order some prints.

A fine Vientianese sunset; and this all-too-brief Laos sojourn is at its end. But not before a nice send-off: as I write these words, we’re in the midst of being thwacked by a decent little windstorm. I expect– ooh!, up to the minute: lightning has just begun to materialise.

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Timeout

Back in Vientiane, tired but fine.

Yesterday morning, Sunday, woke up bright and early and hoofed it down to the Kanchanaburi bus terminal. The ride in to Bangkok was about 15 Baht cheaper than had been the ride out, and took about one-half of one hour longer. Dunno; but it seemed a fair trade.

This sharply-dressed gent was going around to all the buses waiting to depart, and selling these books. Thinking they may’ve been puzzle-books, or possibly short stories? Whatever they were, he looked to be doing a pretty decent business.

bookseller

Arriving to Sai Tai Mai, something pretty cool happened. Little back-story, first.

I’ve this concept in Seattle, I call it “bus-luck”. So, like, if you get to the stop, and the bus shows up within about a minute of your having arrived, that’s good bus-luck. Conversely, if you miss the bus by thirty seconds (i.e., it was within your sight) or so (i.e., somebody tells you it had recently come and gone), that’s bad bus-luck.

Some days, or weeks, seems to be all one or the other. “Wow, unbelievably great bus-luck to-day!” one might find oneself marveling. Or could be just the opposite.

Of course, the luck can be compounded by transfers. Example: you miss a bus by a few seconds, because there was too much traffic for you to get across the street. Maybe the next one comes fifteen minutes later; but then you’ve gotta wait thirty minutes to transfer to a connecting bus – though would had to’ve waited only five had you caught that first bus. In other words, that thirty seconds or less cost you forty minutes.

This example is not at all unrealistic – at least in off-peak hours; and it’s made even worse if it’s night-time and winter.

Anyhow, so we’re pulling in to Sai Tai Mai, and there’s the #507 pulling out of its berth. Arf, lousy bus-luck indeed. But wait! The bus I was on, instead of pulling all the way into its berth, stopped in the parking lot to let everybody off; and did so in such a way as to block the #507 from attaining the exit. So, I was able to indicate to the driver that I wanted on, he opened the door, and WHOOPS, that’s some frickin’ great bus-luck right there!

I would even call it about the best bus-luck conceivable, except that it’s kind of impossible to have bad bus-luck in Bangkok, what with there being so many routes, and each running with such frequency (ten minutes’ interval at most). If it’d been in Seattle, in such a far-flung location, on a Sunday, that little blocking maneouvre would’ve saved an hour; no doubting it.

So, got out to Khlong Toei and purchased three (count ‘em!) Durian, plus some mangoes, to take back to the park and eat; being that I had some time to kill before hopping the Night Train to Nong Khai.

Was joined in a quite lengthy and fascinating conversation by a Scottsman name of “Max”. Right off the bat claimed that Seattle is named after a town in England, and not after Chief Sealth.

We were talking about Cambodia, and I happened to mention that I really loved the music there. He quite agreed, and we discussed at length the joy of discovering obscure Folk musics. He told me of a band he says will knock me down two times, name of  “Gangagiri”. Some kind of kick-ass didgeridoo band, says he.

He continued to ply me with many interesting stories of his travels – in his zeal to stay in the rock-bottom cheapest accommodations, he’s been through the mosquito crucible on more than one occasion.

When he was ready to take his leave, he motioned to shake my hand; me protesting that it was all sticky with mango. Didn’t matter, he said, and proceeded to clasp my sticky hand with both of his. I thought this so odd that I began to wonder if he’d just somehow picked my pocket – but it appears not to’ve been the case.

As he was walking away, he re-emphasised the importance of checking out this band Gangagiri. I’ve located the website of the act in question; have yet to check ‘em out yet. The dude was pretty insistent, though; so you may wanna have a listen.

The train ride wasn’t so uncomfortable as I’d feared it’d be. I think those were actually second-class seats; although they were the cheapest on the board for this route. Maybe no third-class available for Night Trains? Anyway, at 250 Baht, it’s the same price as staying the night in Bangkok; yet here I am in Vientiane. Such a deal!

Out on the platform, waiting for the train to arrive, this wing-ding was going down.

Dude you see flashing the “peace” sign right there at the end came up and introduced himself. Name of “Sharif”. Several participants motioned for me to join in. But the thing is…

Okay! I made a chart. Here’s a chart for, like, if somebody’s been in Asia so long that their skin is as dark as the locals’, how do you tell them apart? Well, you could consult this chart.

Subject Disposition Weather Dancing?
Farang Belly full of Durian. 9,000 Degrees 0ut. Doesn’t feel like dancing.
Local Belly full of Pork. 9,000 Degrees out. Still feels like dancing!

God, how Thais seem of late to love to shake they booty! Maybe the heat is brung upon a general delerium?

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This guy was taking it all in in-stride.

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Arrived to Nong Khai at about 6:00 in the AM, and had a nice, morning-cool two-kilometre walk to the Frontier. Stamped out of Thailand like it weren’t no thing, and then began all manner of unexpected occurrence:

  1. Compelled to bus across the Friendship Bridge connecting Thailand and Laos, rather than walking, at a fee of 20 Baht. That didn’t seem to me very friendly.
  2. Charged $2 in “overtime” fees for crossing into Laos before 8:00 in the AM.
  3. Discovered that the 50-cent city bus to town from Passport Control wouldn’t be along until 8:00 in the AM, so ended up riding a share-tuk-tuk for 50 Baht (though it took us all the way to the Royal Thai Embassy, saving a twenty-minute walk from the bus station).
  4. Discovered that tomorrow, Tuesday, is a Holy Day in Laos, so cannot pick up my Thai visa until Wednesday. On the upside: May Day in a Communist Capital city! Will there be a parade? God damn better be.
  5. Rather than the advertised $30, the visa fee is 1,000 Baht (about $33).
  6. Visa application requests the phone number of the applicant’s guest house in Vientiane. No Wi-Fi at the Royal Thai Embassy (?), so I turned in my paperwork and paid the fee, then went searching for an Internet Café. Found one straight away, and paid fifty cents for about one minute’s surfing to find the requested number. Man at the embassy wrote it in a little book, but didn’t even take my name. Said if there’s a problem, he’ll know whose application with which to match up the number.

But hopefully there shan’t be a problem, and Wednesday evening will see me back on the Night Train to Bangkok…thence on to Chanthaburi for World Durian Festival 2012! (Still trying to work out where to stay in Chanthaburi, however – the pickings seem rather slim.)

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