We’ve received the new issue of the Hoegger Goat Supply Co. catalog. Why, considering that we only keep cows here on the farm, did we receive a goat supply catalog? Don’t know!
So, the front of the book is all about containers, and milking machines, and, like, paddock supplies (or what). Then it gets into some, let’s say, merch for the kids: goat-shaped cookie cutters, “Goats Are Great!” t-shirts, “I ♥ My Goats” licence plates, “Goat Xing” signs, key chains, and cetera.
So far, so good. Then, just a few pages after the frickin’ cookie-cutters comes the selection of books, including (I…shit…you…not) Home Sausage-Making, The Epicurean Goat, Slaughter & Preservation Of Meat, Basic Butchering Of Livestock & Game.
Schya! Nothin’ says “I ♥ My Goats” quite so sincerely as taking to butchering their asses up and turning them into friggin’ snausage. Now here’s the kicker. Check out the catalog’s cover image:
(!). (!!). (!!!). Lookit the little girl’s eyes! She is as possessed as any kid ever has been possessed. If she’s not ten seconds at most from snapping that goat’s neck and drinking its fucking blood, then I’m a goddamned monkey’s uncle.