May 21, 2004
Them Niggers Gonna Fly!
George Bush, in a visit to House and Senate Republicans on Thursday, triumphantly announced that it's "time to take the training wheels off" of Iraq. ''The Iraqi people have been in training, and now it's time for them to take the bike and go forward.''
Stay tuned next week as Dubya proclaims the "Iraqi people" capable of wiping their own asses.
Alas, it may be time to put the training wheels back on the President's own addled mind. Despite his oratory having been "interrupted by applause 'probably dozens of times, and several standing ovations'," the events leading up to his Pennyslvania Avenue soujourn just might leave one wondering:
The head of the Iraqi governing council was blown to smithereens early this week.
An Iraqi wedding party -- including 15 children and 10 women -- was blown to smithereens by U.S. helicopters, following which the military upbraided critics for their "naivete" while insisting that the choppers had in fact blown up a suspected safe house for Syrian fighters.
The "coalition" raided neocon-darling-and-heretofore-presumptive-leader-of-Free-Iraq Ahmad Chalabi's whereabouts, "seizing files and computers", and accusing him of having passed U.S. intelligence to Iran. Was it really just last month that Chalabi was receiving $340,000 per month from the American taxpayer? Heh, forget Syria and Iran, Dubya's not finished changing regimes in Iraq yet! He's up to two regime changes so far, and still counting.
The Washington Post has obtained yet more pictures and videos of those wacky, wacky ne'er-do-well "bad apples" and their Abu Ghraib hijinks. "The new pictures and videos go beyond the photos previously released to the public in several ways, amplifying the overt violence against detainees and displaying a variety of abusive techniques previously unseen."
But never mind that. Thanks to Dubya's masterful stewardship, the brave people of Iraq (and, presumably, Palestine as well) are ready to take up their wings, and the Superbrain can retire to his ranch for several weeks while carving another notch into his magnificently outsized phallus.
Er, George? You absolutely sure you're not still just a fucking dipshit coke-head with connected parents? Because, you know, from where we're sitting, it's not so easy to tell.
Update, 5/22/04: In the few days since his Emancipation Proclamation, Dubya has apparently been stricken with a bit of Empty Nest syndrome; launching homicidal raids in Karbala, Kufa, and Najaf. Don't pack those training wheels into storage just yet.
Additionally, Dubya has demonstrated a personal need of not only metaphorical training wheels, but literal training wheels as well: "President Bush fell off his bicycle Saturday while riding on his ranch, according to White House spokesman Trent Duffy." Talk about Poetic Justice! (And, uh, the President's on vacation again? We were half-joking about the "retiring to the ranch" bit. I mean, god, at least Ronald Reagan pretended to be calling the shots.)
It should be noted, finally, that while we can't help giving Dubya the needle as frequently as humanly possible, the latest developments in Iraq are far from a laughing matter, as Juan Cole concludes:
I said the other day I thought Bush was pushing Europe to the left with his policies. I think he is at the same time pushing the Shiite world to the radical Right, and I fear my grandchildren will still be reaping the whirlwind that George W. Bush is sowing in the city of Imam Husain. I concluded in early April that Bush had lost Iraq. He has by now lost the entire Muslim world.
Posted by Eddie Tews at May 21, 2004 01:24 PM
Comments
Its time for a new Crusades.We must take the Cross , hence Crusadors{spanish} we must bring the Cross to The middle east, it is our job under God Jesus Christ....Stand up man..... -- Posted by: Wayne gasparro C.S.A. 1Llt on March 17, 2005 07:32 PM
GIVE ME A BRAKE,THE WAR IS GOING AWSOME.WE ARE KICKING ASS,IF THE LEFT COULD ONLY FACE THE REAL TRUTH.THIS WILL GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS TO COME.THATS WHY ITS WAR.EVERY PLACE WE HAVE BEEN,WE ARE STILL THERE.( FACT).WHO CARES,WE THE US ARE KEEPERS OF THE WORLD,NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.IT SUCKS THAT AMERICANS DIE,I WAS IN DES STORM AND SEEN THESE SAND NIGGERS ACT.THEY LOVE ALAH SO MUCH,AND WANT TO MEET HIM,MY JOB WAS TO SET UP THE MEETING.( IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ).WAR HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY VERY GOOD FOR $ BEST TIMES ARE YET TO COME MY FELLOW AMERICANS.MAY ALAH BURN IN HELL. -- Posted by: mark willis on February 17, 2006 02:27 PM